⚓️ Ahoy, mixologists! In our virtual saloon, every libation is DIY—grab your favorite spirits, hoist your shaker, and craft a cocktail worthy of legend! ⚓️
House-forged cocktails. Bold, briny, unforgettable.
2 oz Kraken rum
½ oz mezcal
¾ oz blackcurrant liqueur
½ oz fresh lime juice
Dash of activated charcoal
2 dashes tiki bitters
Optional: a few drops of saline solution
Garnish:
Charred lime wheel, Edible shimmer, A single star anise
Shake all ingredients with ice.
Strain into a chilled coupe glass that’s been misted with absinthe.
Garnish with flair.
This elixir has been known to turn shy sailors into ballad-bellowing pirates and leave only footprints and hangovers behind.
1 oz Kraken rum
1 oz cinnamon schnapps
¾ oz lime juice
½ oz ginger syrup
1 dash Angostura bitters
Topped with a flaming lime shell soaked in high-proof rum (for presentation)
Shake everything but the garnish. Strain into a fireproof vessel. Light the lime, chant a sea curse, and blow it out before drinking. Safety first, sailor.
1 oz Kraken Black Spiced rum
1 oz Kraken Gold Spiced rum
¾ oz orange curaçao
½ oz orgeat syrup
½ oz fresh lime juice
¼ oz cinnamon syrup
Shake all with ice and strain into a rocks glass over crushed ice. Garnish with a flaming lime hull (if ye dare) and a mint sprig.
1 oz spiced rum
1 oz amaretto
1 oz passionfruit purée
½ oz fresh lemon juice
Dash of grenadine (sink it last for lava effect)
Shake all (except grenadine), pour over ice in a hurricane glass. Slowly drizzle grenadine into the center to create a “lava flow.” Garnish with orange peel and a cherry skewered on a cocktail sword.
1 oz light rum
1 oz overproof rum
¾ oz peach liqueur
¾ oz cranberry juice
½ oz lime juice
Splash of soda
Build in a tall glass with crushed ice. Top with soda and garnish with citrus wheels and a paper umbrella that's seen better days.
1½ oz blackstrap rum
½ oz coffee liqueur
½ oz vanilla syrup
¾ oz cold brew concentrate
1 dash mole bitters
Method: Shake hard with ice and strain into a rocks glass over a king cube. Garnish with grated dark chocolate and a single espresso bean.
1½ oz Kraken rum
½ oz apricot liqueur
1 oz pineapple juice
¾ oz fresh lime juice
½ oz cinnamon syrup
Dash of Angostura bitters
Shake hard with ice and strain into a rocks glass over fresh ice. Garnish with a lime wheel branded with a hot poker (Ceph’s personal flare).
2 oz Kraken rum
½ oz Fernet-Branca (optional for briny bite)
¾ oz crème de cassis
¾ oz lemon juice
Pinch of sea salt
Top with dry ginger ale
Shake all but the ginger ale. Pour over crushed ice and top with fizz. Garnish with a blackberry skewered by a miniature cutlass.
1 oz coconut rum
1 oz Kraken rum
¾ oz hibiscus syrup
½ oz lime juice
½ oz passionfruit purée
Dash of nutmeg
Shake and strain into a tiki mug or goblet. Garnish with mint bouquet and flaming cinnamon stick.
1 oz Kraken rum
1 oz navy-strength rum
½ oz allspice dram
¾ oz lime juice
½ oz Demerara syrup
1 dash aromatic bitters
Shake all with ice and strain over a giant ice cube. Garnish with a citrus twist and a scowl.
1½ oz Kraken Gold Spiced rum
½ oz elderflower liqueur
1 oz guava nectar
¾ oz lemon juice
½ oz orgeat syrup
Shake with ice and strain into a chilled coupe. Float a single edible flower on top. Ceph recommends whispering “farewell” before the first sip.
⅓ oz coffee liqueur (base of darkness)
⅓ oz coconut rum (the calm before)
⅓ oz Kraken spiced rum
⅓ oz green chartreuse or herbal liqueur (or substitute with melon liqueur for glow)
⅓ oz overproof rum (float for fire)
Served in a tall shooter—each layer representing a vertebra in the beast’s cursed backbone. Use the back of a spoon to layer each ingredient slowly. Light the top layer before serving—blow it out before drinking (Ceph insists you toast to your mortal coil first).
1.5 oz Kraken Spiced Rum – because smooth seas never made legendary bartenders.
6 oz Iced Tea – steeped with sass and sunshine.
1 oz Limoncello – zesty enough to make a lemon blush.
Serve over ice in a lowball glass with a lemon wheel garnish.
Optional: slap a mint sprig on top like it owes you money.
4 oz dry white wine
2 oz sour apple schnapps
1 oz elderflower liqueur
4 oz green tea (chilled)
2 oz lemon juice
1 oz simple syrup
Apple slices, grapes, cucumber rounds
Combine all in a pitcher with ice and fruit. Let it rest for at least 30 minutes (unless parched). Serve over ice with cucumber ribbon garnish. Makes 4 servings.
12 oz aged Jamaican rum
6 oz Kraken rum (float)
6 oz orange juice
6 oz pineapple juice
4 oz passionfruit syrup
3 oz lime juice
3 oz falernum
8 dashes Angostura bitters
Build all but the overproof in a large punch bowl with ice. Float the overproof rum on top. Garnish with flaming lime shells, orange slices, star anise, and maraschino cherries. Serve with ladle and whispered warnings.
(Party-sized for 6 hearty souls)
4 oz Kraken rum
2 oz Kahlúa or coffee liqueur
1 oz cinnamon syrup
2 oz lime juice
4 oz cola
1 oz overproof rum (in a hollowed lime for flame)
Build the cocktail in a tiki bowl with crushed ice. Float the hollow lime shell in the center, fill it with overproof rum. Carefully light it. Garnish the bowl with cinnamon sticks, pineapple fronds, and sliced citrus. Servin’ this dish? Dim the lights and cue the conch horn.
(Group flaming cocktail for 3–4)
- 1½ oz Kraken Black Spiced Rum
- ½ oz Mezcal (for smoky depth)
- 1 oz Pineapple juice
- ½ oz Lime juice
- ¼ oz Falernum (sweet spiced syrup)
- 2 dashes Angostura bitters
- Pineapple foam topper (optional but dramatic)
- Star anise (garnish)
- Cocktail umbrella or decorative tentacle pick (mandatory, if you ask Duracell)
Served in a tiki glass or in a jar with attitude. Great for Kraken Heads patrons who like their drinks mysterious, and a bit chaotic.
1 1/2 oz mezcal (or smoked agave spirit)
1/2 oz Kraken rum
3/4oz lime juice
1/2 oz orange juice
1/2 oz agave nectar
Tiny dash of chipotle tincture or smoked chili bitters
Splash of soda water (optional for fizz)
Salted foam (see below)
Smoked sea salt for rim
Salted Foam:
1 egg white
Pinch of smoked salt
Tiny drizzle of agave Dry shake until frothy, then spoon onto drink
Rim glass with sea salt.
Shake all ingredients (except soda water and foam) over ice.
Strain into glass
Add rest
2 oz Kraken spiced rum
1 oz mango nectar
¾ oz passionfruit juice
½ oz lime juice
½ oz coconut syrup
Splash of blood orange soda (or sparkling citrus soda)
Garnish: flaming orange peel or skewered berries & mint
Shake rum, mango nectar, passionfruit, lime, and coconut syrup with ice.
Strain into a hurricane glass over crushed ice.
Top with blood orange soda for a fizzy pop and sultry glow.
Garnish flamboyantly—because understatement isn’t in the Kraken Heads playbook.
1½ oz Kraken spiced rum
- 1 oz peach nectar
- ¾ oz coconut cream
- ½ oz lime juice
- 3 oz frozen pineapple chunks
- Dash of blue spirulina (for mysterious vibes)
- Garnish: mint sprig & cocktail stirrer shaped like pants (optional and discouraged)
1. Blend all ingredients until slushy.
2. Pour into a frosty goblet.
3. Garnish with mint and quiet confusion.
4. Serve with a warning: may cause sudden urge to stare blankly into neon signage
- 1½ Kraken Spiced rum
- 3 oz pineapple juice
- 1 oz lime juice
- 1 oz hibiscus tea
- ½ oz ginger syrup
- Splash of tonic water
- Garnish: twist of cucumber, and a dehydrated citrus wheel balanced precariously on the rim.
1. Shake pineapple, lime, hibiscus tea, and ginger syrup over ice.
2. Pour into a tall glass with fresh ice.
3. Top with tonic water.
4. Garnish with cucumber twist “at an odd angle” and the citrus wheel “teetering on the edge of comprehension.”
- 1 oz Kraken rum
- ½ oz lemon juice
- 2 oz sparkling white grape juice
- Dash of sea salt
- Garnish: edible flower & candied kelp twist
Stir gently over ice. Serve with a wink and a whisper. Drink slowly—it might fund your next great mistake.
- 1 oz Kraken Rum (for brooding depth)
- 1 oz Coconut Water (Ceph calls it ‘tentacle toner’)
- ½ oz Lime Juice (fresh-squeezed, naturally)
- ¼ oz Seaweed Simple Syrup (salty-sweet seduction)
- Dash of bitters (Ceph says: ‘for character and chaos’)
Shake it till your shaker asks for mercy. Serve in a chilled martini glass, garnished with a curled cucumber ribbon and one ominously perched olive skewered with a cocktail sword.
Flavor Profile: Briny, smooth, mysterious.
this is a parody page, no credits are ever taken.
Where juices jive, syrups swing, and flavor takes the helm—Ceph-approved concoctions await their destiny in your glass.
INGREDIENTS:
2 1/2 Cups 100% pomegranate juice
1/2 cup cherry juice
1 1/3 Cups sugar
4 Teaspoons lemon juice
DIRECTIONS:
Put all ingredients in a medium-sized saucepan and cook on medium-low heat until sugar is completely dissolved. Allow to cool and place in container. Keep refrigerated.
INGREDIENTS
DIRECTIONS:
In a small saucepan, bring water to a boil and stir in sugar until completely dissolved. Reduce the heat, add cinnamon sticks. Cover and simmer for about 5 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat. Keep covered, and allow the syrup to cool and steep for at least 1 hour. Transfer the syrup to a bottle with a tight seal. Refrigerate and
🃏 Parody Page. No Credits. Just Chaos.
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